Watching my parents as I grew up on our farm in the village, being the lastborn of my mother gave me something of an excuse not to understand some things that they did as a couple, or some squabbles they had sometimes. We were Roman Catholics, and I tried to be devout in every form. I went to school like every other person, did things every girl of my age did, and just tried to live a good life- till I got admission to a university far from my fatherland; on scholarship, if I may add.
Life in a totally strange country was not so simple. I was studying Economics, meaning that I had to learn the language first. I made a lot of newfriends, and I just lived on the meager stipend the government sent us ocassionally. Then I gave my life to Christ.
And I met my husband.Well,then he did not appear to be. But after going home t0 see my parents, and his, the stamp of approval was given.We got married in 1993.
We had our first daughter, a beautiful child. Seven years later, we had another baby girl. And that was when life began to shift.My husband decided it was time to go back to our home country. I tried to dissuade him from it, with respect and love, as I felt a Christian wife should but he did not listen to me. His elder brother also tried to dissuade him from home but my husband was adamant. I should have seen the signs back then but I was not attentive enough.
So we went home, with our two girls. My firstgirl was almost 8, and spoke no word of English. My second baby was barely one but could already walk.
I got to meet my husband’s family, and his siblings. I greeted them with an open mind, because I had gotten used to living that way.The whites among whom I stayed for more than 10 years were quite open;if they hated you, they showed it and if you were loved, they also showed. Naturally I felt that is how humans should live amongst themselves, and I took that mindset back home.
Little did I know: I was in for the hell of a lifetime. The siblings’ first grudge towards me was that I was not from my husband’s tribe. That single grudge gave birth to a series of others…..and soon I began to see a side of my husband I never knew.
The vow was”for better, for worse” and I believed we were supposed to be a couple. However my husband found it surprisingly easy to tell his family his plans before even telling me.To me, that was betrayal of the highest order. It constantly hurt me to see my hubby whom I love and trust so much treat me like an unimportant part of his existence-all in front of his family. We went through so much, my babies and I. Conditions pushed me to the wall so much that the choleric in me, who had been dormant from the start of my life, was rudely awakened and engulfed my whole being. We already had a third girl in the family,and things between me and my husband were not getting better.
Then things took an unexpected turn
…….to be continued.