“TEACH ME NOT TO WORRY”: THE TUSSLE WITHIN

imagesIt’s 10 am in the morning. October 13th.

Yesterday was Ma’s birthday and I’m glad I had some little credit to talk to her. I also collected money for my friend via money transfer from her mom and passed it across to her-after trekking for almost an hour because I was looking for bank with dollars. Oh well, stuff happens.

The perinatal center is patient-packed, good for me. As a specialist I will learn plenty, hopefully get to assist; chai, O and G go sweet die. But first, these blood tests……….chai. And Father asked to start some processing to “some place that will favor me”. Thank God for the small change on my home credit card………

Now my bank at home has clamped down withdrawals from outside the country. Wheesh kain change be this iwo Olorun? I am still trying to kick-start my catering business in a city where I am not known (smiles). Hmmmm

Tuition is still there and_

Eh, eh. Thought blocked. Invalid thought. The thought you are trying to think cannot be processed by your brain. Please try again when the LORD provides. Thank you.

My mind and I have been fighting each other since morning. I am of the opinion that my rent is going to be due soon, winter is coming and I’m still the proverbial chicken on one leg- in my own flat! And to further deepen the financial insult I have nothing doing to cater for myself. After two decades on planet earth the only job I found by wonders and miracles was paying me 75 cents per hour- which later became 73, thanks to the ever-bipolar exchange rate.

My mind is of the opinion that I cannot process these thoughts. These thoughts are blocked, invalid. It argues and warns me to respect myself and the gray hair i will later get. Haba! On top my own mind?

Are you not my mind? Is your duty not to process thoughts, proffer some solutions? Since when did my mind have a mind of its own?

Then from nowhere, I hear a still voice, “Lord, TEACH ME NOT TO WORRY”.

My whole organism went blank. (BURNNN. PLEASE APPLY COLD TO BURNED AREA)

It came from my heart. I had been too busy tussling with my mind to listen to my heart.

My heart continued, “Teach me Lord to remember that worry brings fear and neutralizes faith. Teach me to remember that worry only robs me of the knowing that I have You with me at all times, that even when I don’t see the way You do. Teach me to remember  that I’m Yours, You love me, and You have made provision for me to fulfill every single purpose and objective that I have ever been assigned with. Help me remember that worry is a direct way of undermining what You can do, an insult to the prowess of Your mighty works. Help me keep the faith, help me smile in the midst of confusion, help me retain calm in the middle of the storm. Help me believe and trust in You, because only You can steer me through. Teach me to remember Jer. 29:11 and other nuggets of Your Word concerning me. Help me turn my worries into positive confessions. Amen”

A smile crept up my face. Peace was back, comforting me. Like an overheated phone whose energy was draining faster than it should, I had been restless, looking twice my age. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I did not own me; God did. I went to the kitchen, got me a bowl of cauliflower soup with brown bread, blessed the LORD for provision and ate with relish-like the child of the King that I am.

Deep within, I could feel Jesus smiling.

Efunnuga Henrietta Adedayo.

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2 comments

  1. Tobi · October 14, 2016

    Wonderful write up with tangible illustrations, turn your passion to pay.

    Like

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